You may know that your childhood experiences impact your adult relationships. . but do you also realize that the PROBLEMS in your adult relationships were actually the SOLUTIONS in your childhood?
Your patterns that you automatically keep repeating, that keep sabotaging your goals, that you feel ashamed of, but can't stop getting in your own way?
All your childhood "survival patterns," or behaviors that helped you.
Helped you find acceptance, care, attention, approval. This could look like people pleasing or perfectionism. Or perhaps they helped you stay out of harm's way by you silencing yourself, minimizing your needs, and self abandonment.
If you relate to this try this next step:
Think of one of those survival patterns that is no longer serving you.
Next, place a hand over your heart and thank that pattern for helping to protect you, help you feel loved or accepted, and for keeping you safe in the past. Thank the wisdom of your younger unconscious mind for creating that patterns, however maladaptive, to keep you safe.
We can’t hold judgement against or even hate parts of ourselves we want to change. We need to accept them, acknowledge their service, and gently release them.
There were hundreds of times you had to survive. A difficult day, and angry parent, a moment of feeling shamed. It will take practice to rewire your brain by repetition of new behaviors that are contrary to our old survival patterns.
Remember, self compassion always.
Cassandra Solano, LCSW
Childhoood trauma, childhood emotional neglect, adult children of alcoholics, emotional trauma, healing journey, trauma healing, healing trauma
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